The original Pinocchio has the puppet smoking and duly doesn’t get promoted much today. But Disney use the tune to its Academy Award winning song “When You Wish Upon A Star” in nearly all its production logos at that start of every Disney movie, and I wonder how many people know that 🤔 People may get angry at me for not dismissing all the Disney live-action remakes out of hand, because hey, Disney have already repurposed most of their classics ‘on Ice’ and in theatre, so remaking them with recognisable faces in the modern day is merely the next market to make that cash. It doesn’t lessen the impact of the originals for me, and I go in with low expectations that are hard to disappoint – what’s the expression; ‘it is what it is’. Yet Disney have barely hit on many of the animated classics that I hold dearest though – except The Lion King; that CGI soup can get fucked.
This is Pinocchio – a lonely woodcarver named Geppetto (Tom Hanks) makes a little wooden puppet and wishes upon a star that it could become a real boy. Narrated by Jiminy Cricket (voiced by Joseph Gordon-Levitt), we follow Pinocchio (voiced by Benjamin Evan Ainsworth) as he navigates his small Italian town, learning as he goes, questing to be a good earnest son that makes his father proud.
I mentioned it in my opener, how Disney use ‘When You Wish Upon A Star’ for their production logo, and this movie is quick to claim it, with Jiminy Cricket umbrella-ing down with a nod, so I guess now everyone knows 😁 Tom Hanks as Geppetto just feels right, doesn’t it? Oh, you don’t have to answer, because it’s rhetorical, and he does! Geppetto’s eye-catching clocks in his workshop reveal many glorious designs recalling some of Disney’s favourite characters, easily replicable and able to be sold at certain theme parks, I would imagine… I smell money. I noticed that Woody from Toy Story is the first referenced character we see, which is a nice little wink to Tom Hanks’ work in Pixar’s founding project and most stable franchise. Jiminy Cricket is beautifully cast too, with a voice reminding me of either the original, or perhaps the soothing sounds of Mickey Mouse, or both, but I was surprised to discover that the source of the voice was Joseph Gordon-Levitt, as it sounds nothing like him 😮 Pinocchio is well-voiced too, which is essential, and I really enjoyed Keegan-Michael Key as ‘Honest’ John. I tell you what though, I was surprised Honest John wasn’t made into a human, as the sly fox character adds another layer of unbelievability to this live-action tale that already has magic puppets and a narrating cricket. But, since Pinocchio is a remake of existing property, it’s got to be respectful and engaging for the kiddies, so the CGI fox was definitely the right call; he looks great too. And I appreciated a few of his jokes too – the ‘Chris Pine’ one, and the riff on famous people concerning taxes.
But I must admit, while I wasn’t bored by this movie, my attention waned. Being that Pinocchio was released on home streaming, it was so tempting to grab my phone and have a quick scroll on Facebook, which shouldn’t be 😑 Although, the allegory that Pinocchio represents, about resisting vanity and copious pleasure in the pursuit of being true and noble, is still rightly revered, and worth revisiting in any form. Through Pinocchio’s nose we learn that lies deform, and apologies reform, and I was fully attentive during that one iconic scene. The cinematography and shot selection are absolutely professional – I genuinely said to myself during the movie that I must note whoever the director is and look out for their future products… then I found out that this movie is directed by Robert Zemeckis, and it’s like, of course it’s beautiful! The man is a cinematic star! But I feel the same way about Pinocchio as I did about Zemeckis’ The Witches a few years ago – beautiful movie, undeniably so, but they don’t offer much that I haven’t seen before, since they are remakes. And I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, that I believe remakes should be exclusively reserved for bad movies, or to produce totally different takes, indistinguishable from their originals, but it doesn’t often occur like that, and it doesn’t occur here. While watching Pinocchio I remembered that, oh yeah, Disney have already done a Lady and the Tramp remake, and a Dumbo one too; I’ve seen them both, and nearly forgotten they existed already. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same thing happens with this Pinocchio, despite some additional material in its longer runtime, and its well-crafted construction.
3.0
P.S. As it’s Halloween, I was planning on reviewing Hocus Pocus 2, but I was bored to snores rewatching the first one. My sister was a fan of the original, but I preferred Martin Short’s magical A Simple Wish… and that’s saying something.
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