As every minor in a storm knows, sometimes you have to dredge through some mud to find the gold. As any fish trawler knows, you don’t always catch trophies. Every movie starts out with the opportunity to create something fantastic and memorable, and some just don’t hit the mark. It stands to reason, that if there are ‘favourite’ movies of 2020, then there must be ‘least favourite’ movies at the other end of the spectrum too. I don’t derive as much pleasure from highlighting the crap before us, as I do the masterpieces in my previous post… okay, maybe I get a little bit of pleasure out of it; like a good therapy session, it’s good to vent. Consider me the Septa, and these movies Cersei Lannister, as I march behind shouting, ‘Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame!’
In their defence, at least these movies appealed to me enough to get me to see them. There’re many movies I didn’t see, that might’ve made the list if I got past the poster or trailer – The War with Grandpa, for example, I’m looking at you. So, this could not be a list of the ‘worst’ of 2020, so much as a list of movies I saw and turned my nose up at. Again, I didn’t get to every movie this year, and my sample size is my own. If I neglect a movie you hate, or rag a movie you love, that’s my opinion, but be constructive, and write in the reply box below to let me know what you think. Honestly, if you love a movie on this list, I envy you, because it means you had a better experience for your time than I did. I’d love to hear your own selections for your least favourite movies of 2020 in the reply box below too!
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My Least Favourite 10 Movies of 2020
10. Rebecca
I had a few movies to toss between to take this tenth spot, but it came down to Rebecca or Bloodshot – I gave the edge to Bloodshot for containing a good idea that isn’t executed very well, amidst action. Since this remake of a classic drama doesn’t have any action, all that stands before us is a butchered idea; a woman marries a man she barely knows, and is disturbed to find the presence of his dead wife still lingers strongly in the manor they live. The staff loved the late Rebecca, and our new wife, played by Lily James, risks succumbing to madness. From watching this movie, I understand how the story could have been really good, but this version feels rushed, and sterile. Then, just when I was happy for the movie to end, there’s another section explaining what we had just learnt, in the courts. The only good to come of Rebecca was Kristen Scott Thomas, who gets to play the cold head of the household.
09. Capone
I never reviewed Capone, and only recently caught it as catch-up viewing to get a more complete picture of this year. Tom Hardy’s flailing Al Capone shits, slurps, and stares into the distance, whilst having hallucinations of associates who want his cold hard money. Hardy has a history of being incoherent in movies, but here he is just funny – smoking a carrot, and sounding like Christopher Lloyd’s Uncle Fester with lung cancer. An absurd script majorly lets this infamous gangster down, and produces an ugly movie.
08. The Call of the Wild
I love the book, and I was really looking forward to The Call of the Wild, but this movie takes any ‘wild’ out of it, presenting us a safe, polished adventure. Through the use of motion-capture, the movie gives us a Disneyfied dog, Buck, making him too expressive, but what bothers me most is that he doesn’t act like a real dog, ruining the purpose of the book in the first place. Buck knows that Harrison Ford is going to use alcohol to wallow in self-pity for God sake! Smart dog… too smart. He shouldn’t be pulling the mail-sled across the Klondike; he should be starring in the next Air Bud movie as a bar bouncer, kicking people out who have had too much to drink. It was also kind’ve strange that Harrison Ford narrated the whole movie, when he only met Buck in the second half of his life. Anyway, The Call of the Wild; bin it.
07. Jojo Rabbit
It’s not a critics list worth it’s merit without at least one controversial selection to get people talking. Oscar nominations or not, Jojo Rabbit did not capture my imagination. On a serious note, I think a major lesson to take from Germany in WWII is that with the wrong influencer in the wrong political climate, ordinary people can be manipulated to do the most heinous things. To present all Germans as foolish then, for yucks, neglects almost a century of hindsight. Then the movie wants us to root for this little Nazi boy, that when he learns the errors of his community, still lies to his friend in the wall, and prolongs her misery – she slaps him, but I would have liked her to kick the shit out of him. Jojo Rabbit doesn’t contain a unique story; it’s a boy coming-of-age and second-guessing his community – I don’t care that it’s set in Nazi Germany, but I expected something more poignant to come out of it. I love Sam Rockwell’s character, the few moments we spend with Scarlett Johannsson, and the idea of having Hitler as Jojo’s imaginary friend. I’m sure I’ll revisit Jojo Rabbit some day and I may soften.
06. Dolittle
Omg, talk about snooze-fest. It has been said that ever since this movie came out, Mexicans watch Dolittle ahead of their siesta, just to assure a proper sleep. Nah, forget how bland and coincidental this movie is (if you can), Dolittle holds the premise of a doctor that can talk to animals – that’s cool as! But the movie thinks it necessary to include a dragon. The movie also thinks the climax should be having that dragon fart all over Robert Downey Jr. to boot. Iron Man 3 wasn’t that bad. Dolittle is; disaster.
05. Trolls: World Tour
Last year, after I thought Frozen was a middling movie, Frozen II wowed the pants off me. I had an optimism that Trolls: World Tour might do the same, ditching the Bergens plotline from Trolls, and taking these fun and happy trolls in an exciting new direction. Unfortunately, this adventure is worse than the first! I appreciated the first five minutes of Trolls: World Tour, and that’s it. Then my level of enjoyment fell harder than Homer Simpson skateboarding across the Springfield Gorge. Trolls: World Tour tries to force-feed a real-world message of multi-culturalism, and togetherness, but starts from a place where our colourful heroes are horrible ignorant creatures. Plus, it makes me think too hard about music, why each genre works, whilst stereotyping music fans in the process. This premise feels like something Pixar would wipe its butt with, honestly; I feel sorry for Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake and their felty little friends, who deserve better.
04. The One and Only Ivan
The One and Only Ivan is baffling to me, because it had all the pieces to be a wonderfully heartfelt movie, and I know it worked for some, but it didn’t work for me. It was one of those movies where the real-world true events which the movie is based on, relayed to us in the credits, are more enthralling than the movie-length story that’s preceded it; how does that happen? I remember hating on the dog, voiced by Danny DeVito, but I also conflicted with the way the movie couldn’t seem to settle on how to use Bryan Cranston, as the circus’ ringleader. Is he friend or foe? Turns out he’s both, as needed. This movie was set for a cinematic release before it was bumped to Disney+ – I’m so glad I saved some money, and could scream my frustrations into my pillow as soon as it was done.
03. Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made
Mistakes were made, alright. Actually, this is a pretty competently-made movie – it’s directed by Tom McCarthy who made Spotlight for goodness sake – it’s just that nothing happens! Not only that, the movie teases a huge dramatic finale in the opening scene and it never delivers! Just like Jojo Rabbit, I didn’t gravitate to this weird kid, who has an imaginary polar bear that never does anything either! Admittedly, I’m not the target audience for this movie, and if some young people out there liked this movie, then good luck to them… one day you’ll grow up and realise you were wrong, but that’s life. Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made is what I imagine those Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies might be like, but I’ll probably never find out now because I’m too afraid I’ll get enough experience like this one. In the immortal styling of Porky Pig, Timmy Failure is a complete f-fa-f-fail-fa-a-letdown.
02. The Last Thing He Wanted
Due to the level of talent in it – Anne Hathaway, Ben Affleck, Rosie Perez, Willem Dafoe, Toby Jones – this movie gives the illusion that it’s going to be a decent time, but it’s not. The Last Thing He Wanted is a complete mess; a thriller without a clear through-line, where I’m not sure I even know what was supposed to be going on. I don’t know what ‘He’ wanted, or who ‘He’ was, or why it was the ‘last thing’ he wanted. Was it the last thing he wanted because he would never want it, or was it the last thing he wanted because it was his final wish? This is how deep my level of confusion goes! The movie has Hathaway as a reporter, investigating political corruption, and third-world warfare… I don’t know. I liked the detail put into Hathaway’s sun-washed appearance; that’s something. I would say avoid this movie like the plague, but since its 2020, avoid this movie like an unmasked patron not practising social distancing.
01. Cats
See, I’m hating doing a least favourites movies list of 2020 right now because it’s making me try to remember what happened in Cats. Cats was the very first movie I saw in 2020, making its way to Australia’s cinemas on Boxing Day 2019, which, quirky as I am, I’ve always considered movies released after Christmas and still in cinemas, fair game in the new year (just because, I usually have so much to do in the final week of the year – family commitments, work commitments, get-togethers and my favourite movie lists to write). I remember Judy Dench grinning at me at the end of Cats, and telling me I should now know how to treat real cats because I’d seen two hours of furry CGI acrobatics from these semi-nude actors, when all they’d done is sing nonsense songs introducing themselves, and sent a sad cat to die. Of all the movies to have Judi Dench look down the camera at the end and say ‘well, that was fun and informative, wasn’t it?’, Cats is a laugh. Anyway, I already know cats – when my cat is hungry, she meows at the bowl; easy. She’s not magicking other cats she doesn’t like onto a ship somewhere, as far as I’m aware anyway. The Rebel Wilson cat threatens to eat mice children at some point too, yeah? Yeesh. Cats will live in infamy; its only hope is to become a cult favourite like The Room, where people can go to a screening and mock it, but Cats is also so boring in parts I never want to sit through it again.
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A special dishonourable mention to Bloodshot, but that’s about it.
Below, I’ve posted the full list of movies I’ve seen this year, so you can see exactly what I had to pick from. What awful movie did you see that I can be glad I missed? What movies do I have in my top ten that insult you to your very core? What movies did you hate-hate-hate? Let me know in the reply box below and let’s start a conversation.
And Happy New Year.
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Cinematic Releases and VOD
A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood
An American Pickle
Antebellum
Ava
Babyteeth
Bad Education
Bill & Ted Face the Music
Birds of Prey
Bloodshot
Bombshell
– Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
– Capone
Cats
Dark Waters
Dolittle
Emma.
Fatman
Freaky
Happiest Season
Honey Boy
Jojo Rabbit
Jumanji: The Next Level
Like a Boss
Little Women
Misbehaviour
Motherless Brooklyn
Richard Jewell
Scoob!
Sonic the Hedgehog
Spies in Disguise
Tenet
The Call of the Wild
The Gentlemen
The Hunt
The Invisible Man
The King of Staten Island
The Lighthouse
The New Mutants
The Peanut Butter Falcon
The Secret Garden
The Way Back
The Witches
Trolls: World Tour
Underwater
Unhinged
1917
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Netflix Original Releases
All the Bright Places
Da 5 Bloods
Enola Holmes
Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga
Hillbilly Elegy
Horse Girl
Hubie Halloween
I’m Thinking of Ending Things
Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom
Mank
Pokémon: Mewtwo Strikes Back – Evolutions
Project Power
Rebecca
– Spenser Confidential
The Christmas Chronicles 2
The Devil All the Time
The Last Thing He Wanted
The Old Guard
The Prom
The Trail of the Chicago 7
Uncut Gems
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Disney+ Original Releases
Artemis Fowl
Black Beauty
Godmothered
Magic Camp
Mulan
Onward
Stargirl
The One and Only Ivan
Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made
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Stan Original Releases
A Sunburnt Christmas
The True History of the Kelly Gang
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* A dash (-) in front of a movie title indicates I did not write a review.
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