So, I may’ve got my wires crossed a little bit as I wrote about Elemental previously, because Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken is definitely the one that’s flopped hard. The goodwill garnered by DreamWorks for Puss in Boots: The Last Wish simply hasn’t transferred from audience scores to box office just yet, it seems 😬 I, for one, have seen next to nothing about this movie ahead of time, other than the main character’s quirky design and the even more baffling title, and I’m genuinely curious to check out the shiz. Come along with me on this magical journey.
Ruby Gillman (voiced by Lana Condor) is a sea kraken shrunk down to human size. She lives among the humans, on land, with a very clear family instruction not to go into the water, for there are dangerous creatures lurking within that threaten krakens. Ruby is a typical high-school girl, with normal problems, like, what to make of all her nerdy passions and how to be cool about them, while currently she’s perplexed about having to ask a boy to the prom. Ruby inadvertently ends up needing to jump into the ocean, and what happens thereafter threatens to expose her family’s secret identities, and risks their lives beyond all imagination. Kirk DeMicco directs Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken.
Oh, dear. The movie falls for that thing a lot of modern movies get wrong – it thinks speed accounts for atmosphere; but, if a lot of nothing is really happening, and whizzing by you fast, what results is just chaotic and annoying. The opening couple of scenes, establishing Ruby and her home life were exactly this, and exhibited an early worry that this movie was hurrying along to cover for a lack of substance. I didn’t care that Ruby was nervous to ask her crush to prom dance, especially when he was clearly into her asking him, so there was no real tension – it was a layup! I thought the movie set up Ruby to be bland, which is probably not what the movie was going for at all, yet still could’ve worked as a starting point if Ruby was about to embark on an epic underwater adventure… Now, you could stop me right here, and say that this movie isn’t for me, it clearly wasn’t made for me, and it’s up to similarly adolescent teenage girls to find value in Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken – and, I wouldn’t have much of a defense. What I will say though, is that I’ve meet teenagers who would present a more intriguing protagonist than Ruby, and I’ve seen other movies primarily designed for young ladies that have been more universally engaging than this.
I did like the moment when Ruby first enters the water as an enormous kraken, with her uncle in toe, and we see Ruby realise the potential and freedom she feels for the very first time. But any hope that I held that I could somehow get on board with this movie didn’t last long; for whilst I couldn’t always pick where this movie was going at times, which can be exciting, the movie lost me in the setup, and was kicking against the wind to win me back. I still can’t reconcile how these krakens blend in secretly with this human community, when they are a) blue, b) scaley (or whatever Ruby’s father has going on that isn’t a beard), c) lack vertebrate, and d) have fins where their ears should be. It’s not even like the Gillman’s are inconspicuous and the humankind just haven’t had reason to notice them before, because Ruby’s mother, Agatha (voiced by Toni Collette) is plastered on billboards for her real estate company, and I’m fixated on imagining out-of-towners driving through the town and passed the sign, thinking, “hey, that woman sure looks like a sea creature… and her name is GILLMAN?!” Sure, live and let live and all, but I think fish-people are gonna turn heads! But this movie isn’t remotely interested in spackling over illogic, as Ruby’s even able to materialise clothes more than once when she shrinks back down to human form – the last of which sees her in a wonderful prom dress out of nothing, which we’ve never seen before. I also don’t understand why a family forbidden from entering the sea have set up a lifestyle by the sea, and I’m not sure if Agatha’s offhand explanation that they still needed the moisture, carries any weight 😕 And maybe, Ruby’s friends have never questioned the Gillmans because they’ve never known anything different, but ignoring their ‘dog’ is a whole next level of blindness – what the hell even is that?! The most disappointing part about Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken is that its most interesting character is Agatha, who is sidelined for most of the movie while we’re stuck following Ruby, who clearly doesn’t have all the information and doesn’t know what she’s doing. Agatha is told to be a former valiant warrior, a princess, and someone who has taken it upon themselves to uproot all that, adapt and excel in a docile human life as a successful realtor, whilst raising a family – that’s almost a trilogy of epic adventure right there, yet Agatha will be playing the part of “mother who’s keeping secrets” instead.
I can keep going – I didn’t give a diddly about the sea captain, or Ruby’s father and Ruby’s brother diverting the sea captain’s attention in his search for the kraken. With a runtime of only 91 minutes, Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken is a chore that feels like at least double that. And for a movie bursting with fluro colour, perhaps harshly dampened by me just coming off Elemental which is beautiful, this movie is kind’ve ugly, and the final crimson form of our little mermaid antagonist is an absolute abomination. The people characters look very ordinary – except for Trevin (voiced by Eduardo Franco); he’s a stocky goth with bad posture and a skinny head, and his design impressed me, so he can stay. As soon as Ruby meets her Grandmamah (voiced by Jane Fonda), there’s a very clear inclination of a dig at The Little Mermaid, and it only gets more prominent from there. It turns out the kraken are the true royalty of the seas, while mermaids are vicious, conning the human population who think they’re so cool 😮 It’s not the first time that the animated studios have shadowed each other within the same calendar year (Antz and A Bug’s Life, Smallfoot and Abominable) but I haven’t seen it in a while, and I’m a little impressed with the swipe Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken takes at Disney in a time of their own underwater animation getting a live-action remake 🧜♀️ The only downside is that Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken is terrible. I might’ve seen some worse movies so far this year, but I haven’t enjoyed a movie less.
1.0
Leave a Reply