I’d seen Aquaman, but forgotten most there is to know about it. So I watched it again, thinking I’d have it set in my mind for Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, but then a few weeks went by, and Aquaman fell out again. Unless the DCEU has figured out a way to put that Men in Black neuralyzer into movie form, I swear that indicates to me that Aquaman is super dull. Therefore, in a way, I resent having to watch this movie; I didn’t que in line on Boxing Day for Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom because I could care less, and I care even less as this is the cork stop for the DCEU. Pressing play on this movie certainly feels like work 😪 The trailers also hints at this movie being softer than the original too, and if these darn movies can’t maintain a tonal consistency, then I don’t know how that’ll work in Aquaman’s favour neither. Listen to me, grumbling like an old man 😴 Let’s get this over with.
Black Manta (Yahya Abdul-Mateen III) isn’t finished making life hell for Aquaman (Jason Momoa). He finds a Black Trident, of a lost kingdom under Antarctica, which empowers to him a further rage and understanding of the underwater civilisations. Since the last movie, Aquaman has started a family with Mera (Amber Heard), but is struggling to juggle all the responsibilities that come from being King of Atlantis. While Black Manta mounts a full-blown assault, Aquaman is going to have to entrust his captive brother for help, Orm Marius (Patrick Wilson), utilising his crafty and underhanded expertise.
Okay, I’ll remind myself that I did enjoy Shazam! Fury of the Gods, which was the first movie to come out after the DCEU’s announced reboot; and I do tend to like a lot of these DCEU movies that others find dismal – Wonder Woman 1984, Black Adam, Birds of Prey – so maybe Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom will be fun… 🤗 But that’s about where my positivity for this movie ends, because what I saw on screen was a lot of mid-level hubbub that never turned me around. I went into Aquaman and the List Kingdom negative, and I exit negative ☹ I’ve been pretty lenient with these comic movies, finding the next “mysterious item of the day”, but I can’t believe they’ve done it again. Wonder Woman 1984 had that Dreamstone, Shazam! Fury of the Gods has the Wizard’s staff, and now we have the Black Trident – or, the “Scream Trident”, as I call it, since every player to grab it must scream in instant agony. What a lazy, repetitive, mode of storytelling, and I could never accuse the DCEU of good planning. Even Asian Jim (Dr. Stephen Shin, played by Randall Park) is a turncoat by the end, just as Rachel Zegler was for Shazam! Fury of the Gods, which just further adds to the notion of rinse and repeat. I also feel like Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is really dumbed down, as if for kids, compared to other incarnations of its main character across the DCEU, as if Aquaman is supposed to be perceived as nothing but a rockstar. But my goodness, I still expect a comic book plot that’s a little meatier; sorry, pescetarian.
The Castaway, Norse mythology, and Harry Potter references permeating this movie are sour to me, compared to, again, if the same utterances were coming out of the kid’s mouths in Shazam!, where they would feel more natural. Moreover, the swearing does nothing for me, and isn’t necessary in a comic book epic – and I know, it’s not a big thing, but it’s still an aesthetic choice. Combining these findings, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom’s dialogue in general, is a really sore point, and contributes to a feeling that this movie is trying to imply a style instead of finding its own. I’ll admit, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is coming into my life at a rough point, following the snappy dialogue of Drive-Away Dolls, and the far-out fantastic comic fair of Deadpool & Wolverine. And what that means is… Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, your hollowness is going to show! I’d just love a word count on how many times Aquaman refers to butts or assholes; me thinks thou doth protest too much? Is that a sign of latent homosexuality in the Aquaman? Mera is in for a bigger shock than being cut down from the movie 😮
But it’s more than that, as this movie goes to show how poorly the Thor and Loki relationship could’ve gone in the MCU, where they instead managed a mutual respect through all their many tribulations. The story also reminded me of the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, where I found Falcon was always a minute behind Baron Zemo, and never had the humility to realise it. And while that’s the case here, it’s even more annoying, because Aquaman is still the one to always come out smelling like roses. Yuck! Poor Orm – at least he got his tasty burger by the end. But Aquaman is just obnoxious; it’s unbearable. He gloats. Everything is trivial. He roasts his brother when he’s done nothing but instantly comply ever since leaving jail. Here in this movie, Aquaman is just a douche. I can’t believe I ever liked the guy 💁♂️ And by the by, I mentioned how I hardly remember Aquaman, but I need to refresh my memory on Atlanna (Nicole Kidman) and her deal in this whole escapade – so she left Atlantis to be on the land, because the King was abusive, but then she came back, and mothered another child with the King to produce Orm? Because this movie makes it clear that Orm is the younger brother. If that’s the case, then I feel like this movie leaves a lot of unresolved resentment on the table unexplored, since the King openly raised Orm to be a bigot, while Atlanna escaped into hiding without taking her son with her. I’m just saying there’s a deep and meaningful conversation missing, where both can express their hard and misguided lives at the hand of the tyrannical King, and all this just makes me feel worse for Orm ☹ Martin Short voices Kingfish for one scene, which just reminded me of the kooky unnecessary cameo of Jermaine Clement in Moana. And I also remember, by the time this movie reaches its own version of Godzilla vs. Kong’s Hollow Earth, it just brought up that feeling I have of hating how both comic book franchises work to be grounded, but invent so many wacky and undiscovered corners of our world like it’s nothing. Sure, The Suicide Squad had a giant starfish, but at least that came from outer space. I don’t know; maybe I’ve just woken up to whinge today. And how come Aquaman doesn’t dance anymore? 😄
I’ll touch on Amber Heard – firstly, I don’t believe in removing an important component of your movie, especially over a civil trial. Although, I do remember, when this movie came out, the disgust for Amber Heard was significantly high – myself included. I suppose if a movie choses to narrow down a role or not, I’m going to judge the movie by the end product, and if the product suffers, I’ll call it. Ultimately, I think the movie does an okay job skirting around the issue – through Atlanna’s expanded authority, I can see an original fit where Mera is merely relegated to “mother” in this movie anyway, instead of being the brains, as she was in the first movie, guiding Aquaman around the unfamiliar underwater fare. I think this movie could’ve benefited from more Mera, acting like Hermione in Harry Potter, holding the squabbling boys together on their adventure, but it’s hard to tell if that was ever the plan, and how her role was changed in the grand scheme of things.
But it’s a band-aid over a bullet hole anyway, because, wholistically, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is as lame as the first movie, but more annoying, because it’s more of the same. The production is something I might expect from an Aquaman 4, when the franchise has run out of ideas, and just wants to cash in on an audience that actually likes these characters. No such luck here! Everything, even down to the score is sub-optimal; it just repeats the same booming notes over and over again, which add nothing to the theme, like what can be possible in something like The Batman, but instead, only promotes how generically ominous everything must be. The third act fight literally uses the same tired trope three times in as many minutes(!), where, a character is in peril, and is saved at the last possible moment by a hero flying in from the side 🙄 What am I supposed to do with that? Be like, “wow, the baby didn’t die… omg, Aquaman didn’t die… Mera didn’t die… I CAN’T BELIEVE THESE NARROW ESCAPES!” To director James Wann, don’t think you escape scrutiny for this – after Aquaman, and Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, the only other movie of yours I’ve seen in recent years is Malignant, which also rubbed me the wrong way. I won’t be too hard on you though, because your best work is supposedly in Insidious, and The Conjuring, which still might scare the pants off me 😶 But if I ever watch those movies, and find they’re overhyped, you bet we’ll have words, buddy 🤬
I’m sure Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom isn’t the worst superhero movie in existence, I think; but my goodness, there must be better ways to waste my life. Sure, Black Adam might’ve included some similarly frivolous fanfare, but at least it was also trying to say something too, about the west’s imposed monopoly on morality and world-policing. Sure, Black Panther had the messaging backwards, on political unity, where this movie actually has it the right way round, but Black Panther didn’t feel like a $2 knock-off trying to impersonate a superhero movie either. So goodbye DCEU; I’m clearly tired of you. We’ve had some laughs along the way, but mostly, you’ve been underwhelming in your rushed competitiveness and lack of heart. To James Gunn, there must be some excitement in righting these wrongs.
1.0
Leave a Reply